Groundbreaking research reveals startling facts about celebrity brains

Scientists have released a batch of “groundbreaking” medical scans that reveal why the cast of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” are so stupid.

The research precisely plots how billions of neurons literally flood from the brains of reality show participants as soon as TV cameras are pointed at them. This seriously effects the words that come out of their mouths and has a significant effect on their very slim grasp of what’s going on around them.

For example, during one of the tests, Kim Kardashian was heard to say the baffling line, “I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal.” As she spoke, scientists were able to watch on a screen as almost 3 million neurons spontaneously leaked from her brain.

The team from King’s College London say their task has been incredibly challenging. Newborn human brains contain trillions of pathways, and yet tests on the Kardashians show how these pathways rapidly become scrambled and disconnected during filming.

The work, which is funded with a hundred million pound lottery grant, will take a few more years to complete. When it’s finished, researchers say theirs will be the biggest and best-quality collection of the brain patterns of reality show contestants.

When asked to comment on the research, Khloé Kardashian told us, “For me, my biggest insecurity is my arms.”