At a conference in Geneva, scientists have revealed that TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson is the main cause of global warming.
“We do not understand how the smugness of one man can so vastly increase atmospheric carbon dioxide,” a scientist told us, “But we’re looking into it.”
“Clarkson’s staggering daily output of smug has completely changed the natural environment,” another researcher told us, “Over the past sixty years the presenter has single-handedly increased the concentration of atmospheric CO2, simply by existing. During his time with the BBC series Top Gear he increased the concentrations of greenhouse gases by over 2 million percent.’
Since filming began on Clarkson’s new series The Grand Tour, Earth has become significantly warmer. The “smugness” effect of the programme has warmed the oceans and partially melted several glaciers and other ice formations in the northern hemisphere, increasing sea levels significantly. Ocean water has also expanded as it warms, contributing further to sea level rise.
Episode one of The Grand Tour cost £140 million.