COVID-19 virus to “take a few days off at Christmas”

The COVID-19 virus has issued a statement saying that it has decided not to infect anyone over the Christmas period.

“I’ve been so busy this year,” the virus told reporters, “And I think I deserve some time off to put my feet up and watch the telly.”

Scientist are welcoming the news, and say it will therefore be completely safe to travel around the country and cram into small, poorly ventilated rooms with elderly members of your family.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson told The Daily Chronicle, “This is fantastic news! On behalf of the UK government I’d like to personally thank the virus for its very generous offer and festive spirit. Merry Christmas everybody!”