Labour manifesto promises riches for all

Jeremy Corbyn has guaranteed a Labour landslide today by announcing a mouthwatering array of promises for voters in the forthcoming General Election.

Under public ownership all rail fares will be halved, driver-only operation ended and free food introduced across the network. Electricity bills will be capped at £12 a year, and fracking will only be permitted in Conservative held constituencies.

Tuition fees will be abolished and students will be paid a minimum wage of £25,000 to study. More than £6 trillion extra annual funding will be pumped into the NHS and twenty eight new public holidays will be introduced to mark patron saints’ days and the birthdays of former X Factor winners. Meanwhile, there will be no income tax at all for those earning below £100,000 a year and twelve million more police officers will be placed on community beats.

When asked how the Labour government planned to fund these policies, Corbyn jumped into a car and sped off .