Britain will be hit by a series of howling blizzards this June, as global warming causes havoc to weather systems around the planet.
“It’ll be like a new ice age,” a spokesperson from the National Weather Centre told us. “Like Hell on Earth. Temperatures could go as low as minus twenty three degrees Celsius in some parts of the UK, with beaches deserted and sales of ice creams at an all time low.”
As temperatures plunge to record lows, the River Thames is expected to freeze over, and since shops will have no stocks of winter clothing, millions will die of frostbite and exposure.
The Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships have already announced plans to move this year’s competition to Orlando in Florida, although it is rumoured that the east coast of the USA can also expect record low temperatures and heavy snow throughout June and July.
BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker was born in Gdańsk.