Donald J. Trump “is not toilet trained” say sources close to the president at the White House.
“We seem to be getting nowhere with toilet training,” a White House aide told us. “Trump seems to have no boundaries re: outside and inside – often coming in from a long walk and immediately peeing on the Persian rug in the Oval Office.”
The aide, who cannot be named for legal reasons, confided to the Daily Chronicle that President Trump also tends to “regularly use the carpet to poo.”
“Despite lots of positive reinforcement and praise, when the president goes outside he just doesn’t seem to get it at all. He even occasionally pisses on his own bed.”
A toilet training specialist told us, “President Trump’s staff need to go back to basics and take him outside every half hour, using a special key word so that the president associates that word with trying to go.”
“Don’t use mats or pads indoors as that will just confuse the president,” says the expert, “Toilet training is all about creating good habits. He may just have a tiny bladder and very little self control, so he needs to be in just the right place when nature calls.”
In other news, “Kim Jong-un successfully fetches a stick.”