UK government opens negotiations to “exit the pandemic” in 2021

Matt Hancock has opened talks with the COVID-19 virus with a view to “opting out” of the global pandemic by midnight on 31st December.

The Health Secretary’s so-called “Cov-Exit” negotiations will discuss a number of proposals including the placing of “heavy tariffs” on the virus if it crosses UK borders.

In other news, the government has reportedly scrapped a plan to pay UK citizens “substantial financial incentives” to go out and infect as many people as possible.